Child Behavior

Little Liars! (When your child lies)

I hate when my kids bold face lie!

“Wasn’t me!”

“I didn’t do it!”

“I don’t know…”

No matter how perfect and wonderful your kids are, they’re eventually going to lie. It may be a little white lie, it might be a lie with a huge impact on everyone in the family…maybe it’s your two year old, maybe it’s your teen…

But, when it becomes a habitual thing, what’s a parent to do?

First of all, it’s important to know that when your kid lies, you have somehow made it possible for them to lie. Not to blame you (sorry!), but you need to stop giving your child the option to lie.

Scenario #1

For example, let’s say your eight year old accidentally helped himself to a piece of pie that you told your kids NOT to touch.

“Who took the piece of pie?” will put your child in a spot where he can lie.  Even asking him why he took it could lead to a lie. How easily “not me” or “I didn’t do it!” slips out to avoid consequences!

Instead, you can simply say, “I told everyone not to touch the pie until I was ready to dish it out. Because you did, you have already eaten your piece. Don’t expect any when the rest of us have dessert.”

Scenario #2

Your cute little toddler is running around the house, playing and having fun, and out comes a “bad word” from her mouth. What do we say right away, without even thinking?

“Did you just say _____?”

And, you’ve set your little one up to feed you the lie, “No!”

Instead, skip right past the question. Why ask the obvious?

“We do not say bad words!” Then, dole out the warning or time out.

Scenario #3

Here’s where things get difficult.

In our house, it’s not always easy to pinpoint who did what with eight children. When something comes up missing or broken, the entire house seems to chime tones of “it wasn’t me” and “I didn’t do it”.

I have to play detective by questioning suspects and collecting evidence, process of elimination. Lol

Often, when it’s all said and done, I still have no answers and a definite liar or two in the bunch.

So, here’s what I did the other day when the Egg Nog that I had purchased just the night before and specifically told all of the children not to touch ended up half empty the next morning. I lined all of my children up side by side, told them to turn around and face the wall, no talking, and they would stay there until someone confessed to stealing the Egg Nog.

And I let them stand there, whispering under their breath to each other. I overheard the word “unfair”, and although I told them not to talk, I figured a little sibling pressure on the culprit couldn’t hurt. About 20 minutes later, a confession came out. (Although later, it was recanted. The kiddo claimed they just felt bad that the four year old and six year old had to stand there like that and God would punish the real person who did it…so who knows?)

But, you get the point here. Before you ask the questions, just think about how you could rephrase what you are going to say to avoid your child lieing.

If you already know they did it, skip right to the reminder of why we don’t do it and dole out the punishment.

Scenario #4

The habitual liar. (Sigh….)

Here’s where frustration can really max out. This is the child that will lie to you, even when they know you know that they did it…or didn’t do it (like their homework).
This child will lie to you when you just saw them, with your own eyes, perform the offending act, and then try to jump on the defensive with you.

Don’t buy into it!

Do not ask them why they did it, there are no explanations. Do not ask the child anything. Tell them.

“You know that behavior is wrong.”

When that child starts to open their mouth to spout out their excuses or bold faced lies, repeat yourself.

“You know that behavior is wrong. And it won’t be tolerated. There are consequences for that type of behavior.” Go on to state the consequence that needs to be paid by the child for their infraction. Repeat any of the above as necessary until your child hears you.

(Whatever you do, don’t say that a consequence will happen the next time this happens. Because there shouldn’t be a “next time” around if that behavior is not accepted. Right?)

Put your foot down, don’t accept lieing, but most importantly, don’t lie yourself. Or, at least don’t do it in front of your kids. 😉

Child Behavior

Potty Mouth Mommies

Our kids learn a lot from us, and that includes mimicking our choice of “naughty bad words”. You might be a stand-up parent, attend every school function, and you might even be President of the PTA, but we’re betting that you’ve used one of the words on our naughty non-no bad word list here at least once in front of your children!

We’re not even talking about curse words, swear words, or whatever you might call the worst of the worst bad words that you can use. We’re talking about regular potty words that you may even find in the dictionary that carry negative connotations that we don’t want our children running around saying.

Of course, you already know that if mom has a potty mouth, kids are going to be more inclined to let them slip out of their mouths, too. Along with our list of (non swear-word) naughty no-no words, we will give you some pointers to help you steer your children away from saying these words, both in the immediate moment and in the future.

1) God/Jesus/Jesus Christ – These words, unless the children are talking about what they heard in church, learned in religion class, or heard when they were watching Joel Olsteen on the television, should be off limits, not used in vain. We all know better! Even if you’re an athiest or part-time Christian, hearing one of these sacred words coming out of a child’s mouth should be like scratching nails down a chalkboard. “Gosh”, “golly”, “goodness” are all perfect substitutes that you can use and encourage your children to use.

2) Hate – “Hate” is a strong word. It takes some deep seeded anger and emotion to hate someone or something. Honestly, it’s best that we don’t let ourselves get to the point that we “hate” someone or something. It’s better to “strongly dislike” someone or something. Or “really not like” it. There’s enough hate in this world without our kids learning to hate, too.

3) Freakin‘ or Fricken’ – We parents know that these words are actually replacements for the well-known f-bomb. But, it’s become cute to use them, and our teenagers and tweens have caught onto these bad word replacements, too. It’s not too cute, though, when a little two year old says, “Freakin'” or “Fricken'”, though, especially in context. Well, maybe it’s kinda cute the first time, but…you know what we mean!

4) Shut Up – Where do they hear these things? Anyways, there are a lot of ways to get your point across with words and “Shut up” is one of the meanest ways of saying what you are trying to say. Sure, you might mean “Shut up!”, but wouldn’t it be nicer and more adult-like if you raised your voice and said, “Quiet the noise level!” or “I mean it! Quiet down!” or “This is my last warning! Lower the volume!” Certainly, our vocabulary is expanded past two word instructions and demands.

5) Stupid or Dumb – These are words with a purpose…and the purpose is to be hurtful or negative. There’s enough negativity in this world, and kids running around saying, “You’re stupid” or “Your brother is dumb” doesn’t make this negativity any better. Here, it is helpful to talk about feelings and let your child talk about their feelings, because these words are usually used when a child is upset. Instead of “This game is stupid (or dumb)!”, it’s usually “This game is really upsetting me, because I have to keep starting over!”

6) Fart – In my house, the little kids think that the f-word is “fart” (the older kids know the true f-word, but I have never heard them say it.) Fart isn’t a nice word. It’s just not. For us moms, just saying the word “fart” is simply not ladylike now, is it? And, it’s not nice for our kids to say it, either. Nobody really wants to hear a kid say, “I farted”. Nor do they want to hear: “Mom! You just farted!”. Point made.

7) What the…??? (Pronounced “What thuh?”) – Hearing this incomplete question really bothers me, because what it really means is “What the hell?!?”, the bad word phrase substitution of “What in the world?”. I mean, what’s wrong with that? Why did we have to change it to another place? What in the world was fine as is.

8) What. – This “bad word” pretty much feel into this category because it is so disrespectful. No matter which way this word is used, “What.” “What?” “What!” “Whuht?”, it never never carries an air of respect. Here’s an example. (I won’t mention names). One of my dear children will respond with, “What????” when you confront him about something. This, in other words, means, “What the hell do you mean?” or “Why the hell are you accusing me?” Then, there are the times when someone wasn’t paying attention to your conversation, they say, “What?” instead of, “Oh, I missed that. Could you repeat it?”. Or, someone says something surprising, and the other person respnds, “What!”, rather than “Really?”. Or, how about you call your child’s name and they respond, “What?”! None of it, I repeat, none of it sounds respectful. Whatever happened to, “Yes, Ma’am” or even “Yes, Mom”?

9) Crap – What exactly does a child need to yse the word “crap” for? As in “I took a crap” or “This music is crap.”? Either way, the connotation of this word goes right back to the S-word, and that’s not okay. Crap is an unecessary word. It’s just not nice no matter how it’s used. Whatever happened to poop, doo-doo, or even the proper bowel movement? There’s no reason to use “crap” as a word.

10) Fat/Ugly (and other negative adjective words) – You know where they picked it up, don’t pretend you don’t know. Somewhere along the line, you called someone “fat” or “ugly” or even the meaner combination of the two words, “fugly”. Anyways, I probably don’t even have to go into any explanations or reasoning on this one. Fat and ugly are mean-hearted words. They don’t have anything nice that comes along with them. They should be banned, along with all of the other mean and nasty adjectives that hurt people’s feelings.