Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Why My Disciplined and Your Undisciplined Kids Don't Mix
I discipline my children. I hold them up to expectations, and my expectations are fairly high. If they step out of line, they will be disciplined. And, yes, if it's bad enough, I will spank them.
I am no fool. Children are children, and mine are no different than any other kid when they start playing with other kids. They can get caught up in the moment. I'm referring to my little ones, in this instance. They also can be easily swayed and influenced by other kids, especially when they spend enough time with the other children.
Like most kids, my children are loving and kind. We have taught them to embrace others without prejudice. We expect them to be kind to others and to treat other people with respect. We keep them in good neighborhoods (although we would prefer them to be inside on computers than play with a raw mixture of unattended children out and about in the neighborhood. As a matter of fact, we would prefer they stay in our own yard. Who knows what is beyond that?) Of course, they aren't perfect. And when they step out of line, like I said, they get disciplined.
If your children are playing with my children, I expect you to have similar expectations of your children as I do of mine and I also expect you to discipline your children, or it's just not going to work out in the long run. If you refuse to discipline your children because you "love them," or better yet, medicate them because you cannot "control" their behavior, sooner or later, this situation isn't going to work.
What is going to eventually happen is that my kids, even my youngest ones, are going to start resenting your children. They might be young and innocent, but they are far more intelligent than we think! They are going to realize that when they play with your kids, if there are any spats between them or they "get into any trouble" together, my kids will be disciplined and yours will not.
Sure, my kids can misbehave. That's why we discipline them.
You see, the thing is, if you are not disciplining your kids, but you expect me to discipline mine, how does that make any sense? Let me point out that softly telling your child that he did something wrong and then cuddling with him right after he does it is not discipline. Chastising your son for hitting my daughter in the face is not disciplining. My children are watching you do that while they are sitting in their time-out or nursing a spanked behind. Do you think that strengthens a relationship between kids?
I assure you, there will be resentment. I won't blame my kids, either. They live in a "world" where when they do something wrong, there are consequences. It's called the real world. You may not always see the consequences, because there are times when we deal with behavior issues after visitors leave or after we get home from wherever we may have been visiting. Best believe, because we do "love" our kids, we are darn sure going to discipline them!
What I absolutely refuse to let happen is any of my kids growing up and end up waltzing in and out of jail. It's not going to happen because I will beat the crap out of their grown selves before I let that happen. But, it's mostly not going to happen because I love my kids. My husband and I started disciplining them at the jump.
Now, the other part of this equation is that your undisciplined child (or children) are going to eventually "rub off" on my disciplined children. As we all know, children are highly impressionable. My little ones are still learning manners and how to express themselves. If my kids see your kids doing something that they're not supposed to do, what do you think they are going to do? Well, I would hope they would do the right thing, but peer pressure is a mother, and we are talking about four- and six-year-olds here!
By letting my kids spend time with your undisciplined children, I am allowing all of my hard work for all of these years filter down the drain! I am letting your child be an influence on my child. I am allowing your lackadaisical parenting have an effect on my babies. Unfortunately, I cannot do that.
It's not my business if you want to cater to your children and allow them to walk all over you and everyone else in this world. It's not my business if you allow your children to do and say whatever they please. It's definitely not my business if you choose not to discipline your kids and it's not my business if you choose to medicate your kids. They're your kids and you have every right to make those decisions.
Regardless of your reasoning for not disciplining your children, you are not doing them a favor, and you are ultimately setting them up for failure. I'm not in any way implying that you have to spank your kids, but, hey, if the shoe fits...
I have enough to worry about with nine kids, I don't need to be worried about raising yours. But, I have put to much work into each and every one of my own. So, if your stance is that you "love" your kids too much to discipline them, or if you rely on drugs to keep your kids under control, then it's probably not a good mix.
I'm just being real here.
More on why the "No spanking parenting rule" should be broken by every parent in my new release, Breaking the Rules. Get it today for only $2.99!
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at 4:00 PM