Thursday, November 5, 2015

Diagnosis: Momformation Brain

My brain is overstuffed.

I write a lot. Lists, lists, and more lists. Ebooks, books, and novels. Articles and blog posts. Texting and facebook messaging, Tweeting, Instagramming, and all of that good stuff. Thousands and thousands of words each day.

So, it seems like I manage to get a lot of stuff back out of my brain, but even though I put my thoughts "down on paper" (honestly, I type them), somehow it all manages to stay in my head.

You know what would suck? What if our heads expanded to represent the amount of information that we stored in them? I just know I would look like one of those bobble heads, with a noggin so big, I would not be able to keep it from swaying and bobbing.

I am not a genius or anything. Some of the information in my head is little tidbits that I keep for no apparent reason. Like phone numbers that I once had. What could remembering old phone numbers of mine possibly be good for? I wish there was a delete button, just like the one on my computer.

A cut and paste option would be great, too. Then, I wouldn't even have to write anymore. I could just cut and paste my thoughts onto a word document and be done with it! Wouldn't that be convenient?

Quite a bit of the baggage I have in my brain is normal "mom stuff" - the size of clothing each child wears and their shoe sizes, memories of 16 years of motherhood, reminders of upcoming events for each child. A good portion of that part of my brain clutter, which I refer to as "momformation," is not necessarily vital data, either. But it is there, nevertheless.

Within that sector of "momformation" are more tidbits of information that, for some reason, I have an obsessive-compulsive addiction of retaining.

It's no wonder I experience the dreaded momnesia! (With nine kids in tow, I hardly believe my brain will ever return to its pre-mama state.)

The worst thing is that a considerable chunk of the momformation is ludicrous crap. I notice when things are out of place and make mental notes, like when a sneaker is in the bathroom. If it drives me crazy enough, I will put it where it belongs, even if the baby is on my hip. However, things are out of place all of the time, so when I finally reserve myself to the fact that I cannot keep up, I make a mental note.

Eventually, someone will be looking for whatever it is that they put wherever it wasn't supposed to be. (To which I nag, "Put it where it belongs and you will always know where it is!")

I store birthday dates and social security numbers and pediatrician's appointments. Who is staying after school and who needs field trip permission slips signed and all of the upcoming event dates and times for school and church for all of the kids. 

Of course, my Note 3 keeps track of all of that stuff just in case I don't remember, but I usually have that stuff committed to memory.

When trash night is. (I don't even take out the trash, but I do have to remind the people who do often enough.)

I know where every single paper is in my file cabinet. I can explain what color the folder is and whereabouts someone can find their birth certificate, for instance. Or where the title to the van is. Or the 1040 copies from back in 2012.

Forget pregnancy mush brain. I have an overstuffed momformation brain. Sometimes, it even hurts, there's so much taking up space in my head.

Of course, I know I am not the only mom who has a brain that is filled to infinity and beyond with a whole lot of everything. I'm not the only mom with a ton of momformation stored in a place that has no business carrying all of that luggage.

I just wanted to introduce you to your diagnosis. If you are a mom, chances are that you have momformation brain. It's different from momnesia, the disease in which you forget everything, but also somewhat related. You carry too much around in that head.

Unfortunately, that's how most of us are built, so we are destined to live with momformation brain and. oftentimes, momnesia. There is no medication for it, no treatments, other than a nice warm bath at the end of the day. And, here and there, give yourself a break!

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