Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Crumb Bums in My Bed

It's one of my biggest pet peeves.

Crumbs in my bed. I don't even see them sometimes, but you better believe that I feel them! The only thing worse than crumbs in the bed are bed bugs.


They are the equivalent of dragging nails down a chalk board for me.

Despite the fact that I am vigilant over not eating in my bedroom - and especially on or in my bed - these children still do it when I am not paying attention. The husband does it right in front of me, even though he will not hear the end of it the rest of the night.

Why can't you eat at the table!?!?!? Or, better yet, on the floor?

It's worse than sitting on someone's bed and eating a sandwich. For some reason, my children have to climb under the covers and between the sheets to eat. Some way, some how, the crumbs even make it under the fitted sheet, between it and the mattress. 

That Princess and the Pea issue is no joke! Seriously, it sounds way off, but it's the truth! If there was a pea in my bed, I would feel it.

And it would!

Oh, and it gets even better! It's not just my kids who get the crumbs in my bed! Yes, the grown man does it, too! The audacity! He knows how I feel about it, yet he still does it.

They act like it's their bed to crumb bum in!

And, you know one little tiny crumb can somehow crumble into a million tinier crumbs when it is in the bed. That's why they call them "crumbs," because they crumble. Into more pieces! I can't stand it!

If brushing the crumbs off was the solution, I would just grab the broom and start swishing, but that doesn't work worth a dime. If shaking the darn blankets and sheets out would eradicate the itchy, annoying little pieces of who-knows-what in my bed, I would turn up the music on the radio and shake it til I couldn't shake it no more.

But, that doesn't work!

The only doggone thing that works to get crumbs out of my bed is to take every single blanket, sheet, pillow, pillow case, mattress cover, and whatever else I have on this thing and wash it all...and a crumb still might sneak its sly little tricky little self into a crevice in the stitching of my mattress, and after all of the laundering is done and the bed is carefully put back together, I'm still in the same Princess and the Pea boat.

Stop eating in my bed, you little rodents! Crumb bums! Can't you see how much it makes me crazy? Wait, no, what's worse than crazy? Psychotic? Yes, crumbs in my bed make me psychotic! Can't you see how much work I have to do, to no avail?

Just stop eating in my bed! It's a simple solution!

Of course, we all know it will never end. Even when all of the children are grown and have moved onto their own homes and grown adult lives, I will still have the man who, undoubtedly, does not understand my Princess and the Pea dilemma.

Do you see how she's looking at him like, "Are you seriously eating in my bed, fool?" (I'm glad I'm not the only one!) But, no matter what I say or what I do, they still don't seem to understand that you might as well set my bed on fire, because I'm not going to enjoy being in it!

Even if it's only one crumb. As I said, they multiply!

Am I destined to be The Princess and the Crumb?

There is only one solution that makes me feel any better after a night of no sleep because of a possibly even phantom crumb...I have cursed all of the children of mine who have ever eaten in my bed and left crumbs. I cursed them to a life of children who leave crumbs in their beds on a daily basis, so that they can experience that itchy, prickling, crawling, and sometimes even burning feeling...that bugs-in-the-bed sensation that makes your skin crawl.

So there, you crumb bums!

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