Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Monday, November 11, 2013
I hate when my kids bold face lie!
"I didn't do it!"
"I don't know..."
No matter how perfect and wonderful your kids are, they're eventually going to lie. It may be a little white lie, it might be a lie with a huge impact on everyone in the family...maybe it's your two year old, maybe it's your teen...
But, when it becomes a habitual thing, what's a parent to do?
First of all, it's important to know that when your kid lies, you have somehow made it possible for them to lie. Not to blame you (sorry!), but you need to stop giving your child the option to lie.
For example, let's say your eight year old accidentally helped himself to a piece of pie that you told your kids NOT to touch.
"Who took the piece of pie?" will put your child in a spot where he can lie. Even asking him why he took it could lead to a lie. How easily "not me" or "I didn't do it!" slips out to avoid consequences!
Instead, you can simply say, "I told everyone not to touch the pie until I was ready to dish it out. Because you did, you have already eaten your piece. Don't expect any when the rest of us have dessert."
Your cute little toddler is running around the house, playing and having fun, and out comes a "bad word" from her mouth. What do we say right away, without even thinking?
"Did you just say _____?"
And, you've set your little one up to feed you the lie, "No!"
Instead, skip right past the question. Why ask the obvious?
"We do not say bad words!" Then, dole out the warning or time out.
Here's where things get difficult.
In our house, it's not always easy to pinpoint who did what with eight children. When something comes up missing or broken, the entire house seems to chime tones of "it wasn't me" and "I didn't do it".
I have to play detective by questioning suspects and collecting evidence, process of elimination. Lol
Often, when it's all said and done, I still have no answers and a definite liar or two in the bunch.
So, here's what I did the other day when the Egg Nog that I had purchased just the night before and specifically told all of the children not to touch ended up half empty the next morning. I lined all of my children up side by side, told them to turn around and face the wall, no talking, and they would stay there until someone confessed to stealing the Egg Nog.
And I let them stand there, whispering under their breath to each other. I overheard the word "unfair", and although I told them not to talk, I figured a little sibling pressure on the culprit couldn't hurt. About 20 minutes later, a confession came out. (Although later, it was recanted. The kiddo claimed they just felt bad that the four year old and six year old had to stand there like that and God would punish the real person who did it...so who knows?)
But, you get the point here. Before you ask the questions, just think about how you could rephrase what you are going to say to avoid your child lieing.
If you already know they did it, skip right to the reminder of why we don't do it and dole out the punishment.
The habitual liar. (Sigh....)
Here's where frustration can really max out. This is the child that will lie to you, even when they know you know that they did it...or didn't do it (like their homework).
This child will lie to you when you just saw them, with your own eyes, perform the offending act, and then try to jump on the defensive with you.
Don't buy into it!
Do not ask them why they did it, there are no explanations. Do not ask the child anything. Tell them.
"You know that behavior is wrong."
When that child starts to open their mouth to spout out their excuses or bold faced lies, repeat yourself.
"You know that behavior is wrong. And it won't be tolerated. There are consequences for that type of behavior." Go on to state the consequence that needs to be paid by the child for their infraction. Repeat any of the above as necessary until your child hears you.
(Whatever you do, don't say that a consequence will happen the next time this happens. Because there shouldn't be a "next time" around if that behavior is not accepted. Right?)
Put your foot down, don't accept lieing, but most importantly, don't lie yourself. Or, at least don't do it in front of your kids. ;)
Friday, April 26, 2013
No, maybe you do not have the ability to pack your bags and run to a land far away, but you can sit at the computer with the kids and show them some of the most bizarre looking hotels around the world. Take an online trip with your family!
Or maybe, just maybe, you're really looking for a cool place to take your children during their vacation. Maybe this was your year to take that fabulous, unique family vacation. If that's the case, I envy you!
Anyhoo...Here are 3 of the most bizarre hotels that we could find around the world to show your children when you're all antsy to take a vacation:
1. Utter Inn - Stockholm, Sweden - We you ever imagine that this was actually a hotel?
Well, this isn't the actual hotel, because the majority of the actual Utter Inn is underwater. Yes, below this cute little red shack that reminds me of ice fishing, the guests will enjoy the following comfort:
Created by Mikael Genberg, artist and sculptor, the Utter Inn puts people who love to be on the lake for activities, like water sports, right in the middle of the lake. There's more of a comforting, homey feeling to the Inn, so don't expect the Ritz. If you choose to stay at this hotel, you will be transferred to it in a boat and your first impression will be the kitchenette and a small dining area in the red shack that is above the water. Surrounding the red shack is a small deck that guests can enjoy the views of the lake from. Underwater is where the guests will sleep, in a human sized aquarium.
Don't be alarmed when the boat driver stops the boat, drops you and your family off, and drives away only to leave you and the family members you are staying with alone. There won't be any bellhops, no receptionists, and no room service, however you can elect to order a dinner that is delivered by boat. Unfortunately, the Utter Inn does not have enough room for our humongous family - we'd have to leave most of the kids home and that's no fun! - because there are only two twins beds for sleeping arrangements.
While the Utter Inn offers a unique experience, it doesn't look all that comfortable, but you won't have to worry about noise from other guests at this hotel, because you will be the only ones.
2. The Capsule Inn - Japan
Now, if I'm going to take my family to one of the most unique and crazy hotels in the world, it would not be The Capsule Inn in Japan. I'm just sayin'...
And here's why:
For the record, this is where you sleep, in these little holes in the walls. It almost makes me think of coffins and I highly doubt I would get a good night's rest in them. Plus, there would be strangers sleeping - and snoring! - right next to you or down the hallway...not my idea of comfort!
3. Free Spirit Spheres - Vancouver Island, Canada
Of course, not everyone can make it to Sweden or Japan, so we looked around Canada and we found the Free Spirits Spheres on Vancouver Island. You will walk on the 5 acre property to a staircase that is wrapped around a tree, and then climb the stairs to your "hotel room" that looks like this:
On the inside of this strange looking cabin (or pod, as they call it) in the woods, you will find a cozy place to stay, suspended between 10 and 15 feet in the air. One is cedar, one is spruce and one is made of fiberglass.
Inside will be a double bed, a microwave, and a refrigerator. And, even though you will be out in the woods, far away from civilization, each of the three pods also has an iPod docking station in it. Don't be surprised if the pod sways on a windy day.
Cool, huh? I hope you spend a moment sharing these cool places with your kids! And, if you actually get to visit one (or ever been in the past), I would love to hear about your experience! Happy travels!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
There's something that you might not know about parenting and successful children. And that includes letting your child fail, because failure teacher your children how to handle difficult situations on their own and also how to learn from them...
And if you think about it, the more we fail, the more we learn techniques to help us become more successful. Right?
If you want to raise your child so that he or she has character, strength, and is eventually successful in their life, LET THEM FAIL! (And then be there to help pick them back up.)
Now, this may sound like brutal parenting, but take a look at how your children have learned over the years. Let's talk about little Sally. Little Sally started out as a newborn who didn't know how to talk or walk or do anything. You had to do everything for her, right? Now, because little Sally fell down a million times and mispronounced word a million times, she was actually failing and learning.
I know it's actually kind of a negative way of looking at things. But, it is honestly the way that things work with us humans.
Let's fast forward, a few years from now when little Sally is interested in sports or maybe a part in a school play. What do you do if she doesn't get the part that she tried out for or make the sports team? What do you do if she makes a sports team but cannot hit, pass, or catch the ball to save her life?
This is where you need to let her failures teach her how to succeed. Encourage her to try it again next time around but most importantly, we need to teach our children how to overcome their anxieties about failing. And we need to teach them that failing is okay as long as we learn from it.
But, how do we do this?
Let's look at this concept from a different perspective.
Why We Don't Want Our Kids to Fail
First of all, it's understood that it hurts us as parents when our children fail. Not necessarily because we need them to succeed or it makes us feel like failures as parents, but more so because it hurts them when they fail. And, what hurts our children hurts us.
We want them to succeed at everything, because then they will feel good about themselves.
But, setting your child up to succeed all the time by only permitting them to do what they will obviously succeed up can also be setting them up to fail. What do I mean by this? You're going to help your child select classes in school that you feel like they will get an A in, rather than choosing challenging courses that there's a chance they will fail.
Two psychologists, Dan Kindlon and Madeline Levine have studied these concepts. They wrote that people who were overprotected by their parents are more likely to experience difficulties during their teenage years and young adulthood when they were confronted with real life problems. These people are not accustomed to finding solutions to problems, because their parents always solved problems for them or kept them from facing failure, therefore they struggle with handling problems on their own.
Essentially, yes. Whenever anyone attempts to do something that they have never done, something that they are not familiar with, there is always a chance of failure. Right?
Here's what we need to remember: we will be right there beside them when they fail to teach them how to overcome the feelings that are associated with failing and we can teach them how to deal with the feelings and use the experience to learn from.
It's called...character building. And, believe it or not, failing is one of the best ways to build character, if used correctly.
As a matter of fact, a local psychologist here in Buffalo, NY, Mark Seery, led a team of psychologists here at the University of Buffalo in some research regarding these concepts. This group of researchers found that when adults have grown up without - or with very little - adversity in their lives, they ended up less confident and satisfied in their lives, as opposed to people who had been through some 'rough times' in childhood. It sounds a bit backwards from what we would expect, but these researchers suggested that overcoming obstacles “could teach effective coping skills, help engage social support networks, create a sense of mastery over past adversity, [and] foster beliefs in the ability to cope successfully in the future.”
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
|Monster Kermit Gosnell|
Chances are, you've either just heard of him recently or you have never heard of him at all. There are reasons for this, and I'm going to tell it like it is.
I've spent a large amount of my past few days thoroughly reading the 281 page grand jury report for this trial. (Thankfully, with my new Samsung Galaxy 3, I can read the pdf while I'm doing other things).
I have experienced a plethora of emotions while reading the unbelievable details behind this story. Disbelief, anger, outrage, horror...you name it, I felt it. Confusion...
Let's pretend that you haven't heard about this trial and this murderer who is facing the death penalty right now. And, I'm going to pretend that you haven't heard about him, because it was only just recently that news stories have been popping up, only AFTER decades of heinous practices that were swept under the rug by Department of State and the Health Department of Pennsylvania. Yes, swept under the rug.
Because there were numerous complaints over the years of terribly unsanitary conditions in his abortion clinic, which had an upstanding sounding name - the Women's Medical Society. However, this place was a House of Horrors type abortion clinic with unsanitary conditions that included fetal remains in jars and bags and freezers, obviously improperly stored and disposed of. Medical instruments were dirty and rusty, and were grotesquely used on patient after patient, spreading venereal diseases from one girl to the next.
But, the lack of cleanliness was just the bottom of the bucket.
Dr. Kermit Gosnell was a careless money monger. It was all about the money for him. He had his staff, which consistent of absolutely NO doctors or medical assistants - well, let's just say none that went to school and received their degrees. Apparently, he had two "doctors" who wore nametags that said doctor, and acted as doctors, but didn't have the credentials. He knew this and the staff knew this, yet they all treated these "docs" as real doctors; they wrote up diagnoses, administered drugs, you name it.
And, that's not the worst. Dr. (and I use the term loosely here) Gosnell performed illegal, late term abortions. We're talking 30 week gestational pregnancies and beyond!
But, even that's not the worst of it!
I mentioned that he was "all about the money". This is what I mean...
Basically, he would have his staff at the Women's Medical Society give the women who came in for abortions labor inducing drugs in the morning. He didn't want a bunch of loud, screaming women, so he also instructed the staff to give the women drugs to sedate them, quite often sedating them into stupors. He often didn't even come into the clinic until the evenings, when most of the abortions had already been completed.
And, you're going to have to read other news stories, or maybe the grand jury report, to find out how they "took care of" the babies that were delivered alive. (For me, it's just too gruesome to even publish on Mommy Rantings. I'm not into the whole "If it bleeds, it leads" thing.) And, the majority were born alive. So, they had to be killed. That's murder.
But, the murders that he is on the chopping block for were more than just the babies. Mothers died in his hands, too. He left fetal remains in mothers, passed STD's between them, and killed at least a couple of the women who simply went in to have an abortion performed.
Like I said in the title, this isn't about anti abortion or pro-choice. It's simply not. When it all boils down, the numerous complaints about this doctor and the Women's Medical Society were swept under the rug for another reason. I'm about to get to that in a moment.
Before I explain why I think that this man has been "getting away with murder" since 1979, I am also going to talk about the other side of his business, the actual thing that brought him to his demise. It was the prescription drug business that he was running. Apparently, people could walk in off the street and purchase a script at the Women's Medical Society without any medical reason. Kermit Gosnell left blank scripts that were already signed for anyone who walked in and paid for them. This was his cash cow, bringing in hundreds of thousands per year for him.
THIS is why authorities finally decided to close the shady business he was running down. NOT because of the complaints that arrived at the Department of State or the Health Department about women who died at the hands of this man, the unsanitary conditions, the perforated colons and uteri that had to be seen at other doctors in local area hospitals after botched procedures.
So, why was this man allowed to get away with murder for decades?
Sadly, he ran his clinic in Philly and the majority of his clientele were black or hispanic and they were poor. Don't hate me for saying it. If his clinic was run in the beautiful, rich suburbs and most of his clientele were wealthy Caucasian women, do you think he would have gotten away with such filth since 1979? The answer is no.
Now, don't get me wrong. He did cater to some suburban white women, only on Sundays, and he and his wife were the only ones that did those procedures. And, I'm sure he took really good care of these women, or at least paid very special attention to these abortions. These were the ones that he took seriously.
It was all about the money. No client was too young...and no baby was too far along in the pregnancy.
I can just see the anti abortion and the pro choice groups using this trial as an example why their opinions are right. But, I can mostly see anti abortionists shouting out about this, talking about how all abortion clinics should be shut down because these crimes never would have happened if abortion was illegal. And I say, "No way!" I believe these crimes still would have occurred and they also would have been overlooked even if it was illegal, because the man was getting away with all kinds of illegal stuff anyways, behind the front of the Women's Medical Society.
Not the Women's Abortion Clinic. And, when the facts all boiled down, regardless of the illegal nature of his business, Kermit Gosnell got away with murder until his illegal prescription business, not the deaths of women or babies, was discovered.
Wake up call, America! It's not about pro choice or anti abortion! It's about money. It's about sweeping heinous crimes under the carpet for decades because...why? It's about state agencies turning their backs on the women they should have been protecting from this monster! It's about the babies that were born alive and killed heartlessly without a second thought about their life!
Let's call it like it is.